Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream


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The first of the 4 Ways to Get Unstuck and Pursue your dreams is that, self-talk is huge. You have to stop focusing on being people pleasers because you will not please everyone and that will keep you stuck, and it will keep you stuck on the bench. Be who you are. You must see and believe in your value first before anyone else can. Practice, read self-development books, podcasts.

I listen to a wake up call every single morning to get your mind right.

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People in your circle of influence will endorse you or take you out of the game. I want you to think about that, who is in your circle right now, and are they encouraging you to get off the bench or are they keeping you there? You have to get rid of the negative vibrations that surround you as a person. It means when you find your passion and your purpose, it will come through in your live videos, and that will lead to your success and impact.

In this community we will give you and your team the actions and tools necessary to incorporate grit and self-confidence into the culture. Attraction Marketing Course — My good friend and mentor has created a course that really takes you back to the basics of social selling, and it works.. Use code: AMIE for a discount.. Like this: Like Loading Dan is the Infusionsoft Dream Manager, and he works with individuals throughout the company to help them develop, think about their dreams, and work toward them, and he's basically our internal psychologist and he helps us to work through our mental battles.

So let's — let's jump into this guys. Let's talk this through. How do you get over the mental battles when you're stuck on something? Dan Ralphs: Well, you know — let's just say one thing real quick. I thought it was — I thought it was great, the second question of have you ever — do you ever have this. Absolutely, like, all the time.

Like, this is not something — you know, questions of confidence are — I mean, that just goes with the territory in entrepreneurship. And by the way, it never goes away. Clate Mask: And I think it's really — because as an entrepreneur, it's all your thing. You're whole soul — it's like an author is always autobiographical. Clate Mask: Your entrepreneurial venture, your business, is your autobiography. So it makes it — you're so much more vulnerable in that position. Scott Martineau: And maybe just one point. In our book, Conquer the Chaos, Clate and I spent half of the book, the first three chapters are talking about mindset challenges.

At the time, I may have been a little bit less supportive of those topics.

I wanted to have more concrete strategies for business owners. But over the years, I've really come to understand how critical this is.

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This is a really, really important topic. And if you haven't read Conquer the Chaos, you ought to get it, because we —. Clate Mask: Yep, and in particular, go to the chapter on Disciplined Optimism. So the way Conquer the Chaos is laid out, there are three mindset strategies and then three system strategies, and one of the mindset strategies really addresses this question. So go read about when we talk about Disciplined Optimism. By the way, the other two chapters will be helpful as well, but that one in particular.

Scott Martineau: Okay. So I'm stuck in a rut, I just am in my head, you know? Some — one of my coaches once said, "Scott, you're always calculating. You're always calculating. Dan Ralphs: Yeah. Let me — let me talk for — about that just for a minute, because in the game of helping people accomplish dreams, by very definition, dreams are the most in your head things. In other words, people have all kinds of things that they wish for in some future date, and for the most part, they stay in people's heads, right?

Dan Ralphs: And so I think that — you know, there are a handful of things that I think of when I think of how do you get out of your head, and the first one really to me is just that. We've got to get out of our heads and into something else. I was talking to somebody earlier on today, and they said — I said, "How do you get out of your mental rut? If you're in your head and you're in some office or cubicle, or you're in your house — in your room, you got to get out and start doing things that are different than sitting and moping. Clate Mask: Yeah. I mean, that reminds me, you know, you can do something as simple as change the scenery, right, to just change that.

But sometimes, you know, it's actually much more specific about getting out of your head and doing something physically. So I've told this story before to some of our employees, but I don't think I ever told it here.

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In the earliest days of Infusionsoft, you know, we were a few months in, and it was just — it was so hard. My job was to do all the sales — to basically do everything except for write software, which meant primarily do the sales and marketing, and I was not having any success whatsoever. We were just getting hammered. We were not making money, we had a lot of debt that was building up, and I was feeling a ton of pressure. And I called my dad after a few months in the business, and I just said, "Dad, can I just come talk to you?

So I went over to my parents' house. He was the only one there. He and I were talking, and it was, like, you know, he just started listening me, and I — you know, I'm gonna be totally candid here. I was just crying. Like, I was just, like — it was coming out. I was just, like, feeling so much pressure and so much responsibility. Dan Ralphs: Like, so if you're thinking this is gonna be easy — like, people come to me and say, "Dan, make my dreams come true," it is not easy. Clate Mask: Well, it was kind of crazy, because I didn't go over thinking I'm just gonna go blubber on my dad's shoulder.

You know, I was like, I knew that I was, like, way out of sorts, and I was just totally caught up in my mind. But I — I couldn't talk to anybody who understood it, and I thought, you know, I think my dad might be able to just at least listen to me. So I just found myself, as I was talking it out and just getting all of the weight and the pressure and everything that was going on, I just started crying, you know, and I had to reassure him a couple times, say there's nothing really, really wrong. I'm just, like, you know? And then he — I will never, ever, ever forget what he said.

He paused, and he said, "Are you exercising? I was talking about sales, I was talking about the business, I was talking about family pressures, I was talking about all these different things, and your response is, "Are you exercising? Clate Mask: [Laughs] Yeah. He said, "I'll come pick you up. Let's go to the gym. But what we really did is I just got — I got exercise, and I learned then and I know now, and it's the reason why I go to the gym at in the morning now, is that whatever the mental and emotional things you're dealing with, physical exercise changes what's going on for you.

And I think that you said some — you didn't mean to say this, but I think there's another really important principle in that story, and that is that we have to take care of our physical health, because that helps everything, right? Dan Ralphs: Helps our brain. But we also have to take care of our emotional health, and I think one of the reasons we can get stuck is there's so much pressure, there's so many hours that tend to happen in an entrepreneur's life, that we may not be nurturing and connecting with people we have deep relationships with.

And by the way, you can't really — you can't connect with them very well 'cause you've got so much in your head that you've got to unpack. You're like, I just need someone to frickin' listen to me. Clate Mask: You know, and they can't — they can't listen to you and you can't listen to them, because what's going on in your mind, and you get — you pull apart in your relationships.

Scott Martineau: So interesting. Addiction recovery — this is a key element of addiction recovery. It's creating powerful human connection. And in a way, I think this — these mental ruts are a form of addiction. I am stuck, I'm there, I can't get out. You know, it's fascinating. Scott Martineau: One other quick point on this too is I think the concept of getting out of your head, I like the visualization of what Steve, your coach, talked about, Steve Hardison. And he said — you know, Clate would come back and say, "Steve asked me to — you know, as these thoughts are coming into your mind, you've got to take the thought and pull it out of your head and just look at it and inspect it from different angles.

Clate Mask: We are the thinking of our thoughts, we're doing that to ourselves, and if we don't stop and notice it, we don't realize we could actually take the thought out, examine it — I know this sounds kind of a little bit crazy, but that's — you know, I've worked with Steve for seven years, and what we generally work on is thoughts that I'm having that are not productive and causing problems. And if you slow things down, and you said this really well, Dan, as an entrepreneur, you're going, you're running so fast.

You're packing 60 hours of stuff into a regular day, which isn't eight hours or 12 hours, it's probably 16 hours in many cases. But you've got so many things that you're cramming in, there's no space to actually stop and reflect and examine what's actually going on inside of my mind. Clate Mask: So what I would do with Steve for two hours every week was examine a few thoughts that are causing problems. Dan Ralphs: It reminds me of my — I have five kids, and I'm reminded often of how my nine-year-old daughter, my eight — it's actually my nine-year-old son, he has the best imagination around bedtime, 'cause when the lights go out, the boogeymen come out, and he is freaking out.

And I think a lot of times, you know, the role of the father in that process is I go in and I show him that the closet is empty and, you know, and it really is sometimes that same way with our thoughts, right? Dan Ralphs: It's dark in there and scary, we're unclear and unsure, and so we imagine boogeymen that don't exist.

Dan Ralphs: And when we pull them out, we actually look at them, it's like, wait, that's not what it really is. That's not as scary as I thought. Clate Mask: Exactly. My coach talked to me about this a bunch, two things that come to mind that he's told me over the years. Number one, the fear of the thing is far worse than the thing.

Clate Mask: No. And number two, the problem is not the problem. The problem is how you're thinking about the problem. Those two points are like — if you stop and slow things down as an entrepreneur, if you don't have someone to talk to, go sit in a quiet corner, go to a park, go walk around and just stop and think about your thoughts.

And the process — by the way, there's a great book out there to examine your thought process, that teaches you how to do this, it's called The Work, by Byron Katie, and she teaches a four step —. Clate Mask: Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's called Loving What Is, and it's all about the work. Thank you, Scott.

What can you do when you’re fed up?

And the work is really a four step process to examine your thoughts, like Scott said. Take it out of your mind, look at it, is it really true, am I certain that this is really true, how do I behave if this is true —. Scott Martineau: How do I react when I have the thought, and then what would I be without — we should do an entire podcast.

Dan Ralphs: So one of the things I want to ask you two, as business owners, is there's a lot that I think Infusionsoft does really well to avoid possible stuck positions, and to avoid, you know, anxiety for you as CEOs and business owners. What have you learned along the way that helps you to avoid anxiety, and to, like, prepare the business, so there's not gonna be those moments where you get stuck. Scott Martineau: And maybe — maybe to sort of contextualize that, I think that you — when you get into a business setting with employees in a team, you can kind of get into this psychological rut as a team.

Scott Martineau: And so I think one of the things that Clate taught very well — in fact, you probably ought to speak to this, Clate, but is the — you know, business naturally creates chaos, and chaos tends to lead to a lowering in confidence. You know, when you're not sure what —. Clate Mask: Yeah, chaos — chaos creates confusion for people, and then the confusion results in a lack of confidence.

Clate Mask: You just do. And you might have an occasional loss, but you generally are a winner when you're confident, and you are genuinely not a winner when you're not confident. Clate Mask: I mean, it's the old thought, whether you believe you can or you believe you can't, you're right. So when you think about that, you know, the reality that our confidence is really the key thing here, you've got to back it up and say so — you know, we've talked a lot about, well, how do you get confident?

How do you get — how do you go from the chaos that's happening in the business every day, because that's what happens in a business, it is chaotic, and that's why we wrote the booked called Conquer the Chaos. But one of the things is you've got to get your mind to calm down about all of the factors and all the things that are going on. So you've got to create some kind of plan, you've got to have some method for how you take all of the chaos and confusion and distill it into a plan that brings you some clarity and confidence.

Dan Ralphs: I remember, Clate, you were talking to a group of business owners, and I remember you saying if there's one thing I can invite you to do, is to have a quarterly planning rhythm, and I thought that was so lame. That was so —.

3 Things To Do When You Are Fed Up

Dan Ralphs: [Laughs] That seemed so, like, kind of unimportant in the grand scheme of marketing and sales. Why is that quarterly planning rhythm, how does that help bring confidence to the team? Scott Martineau: I think the first thing is part of the process in — and this is an entire system that we teach in the elite, in our elite systems, but one of the most important things is to first just sort of wade through the chaos. And so there are a series of exercises we go through to evaluate what's going on in the business, and the good, the bad, the ugly. We're looking at accomplishments and lessons learned.

And so you sort of — the way I visualize it is you sort of bring all of that context up and you stare it in the face, you know? Scott Martineau: Exactly, yeah, actually that's right, you're sort of taking the thoughts out of the —. Clate Mask: Well, and I think the first point is you're slowing down, you're stopping. So what I say is do this quarterly, get off site, turn off your phones, turn off the distractions, get into a different zone, where you can look at the business differently.

Just change — just doing that gives your mind the ability to stop its normal processes that are all running, thinking about all the different issues, and actually begin to examine something in a different light. So first you stop and get away. Second, you surface, as Scott said, that's really great way of saying it, I never thought of it that way, and it's really taking all of the business's thoughts that have been happening over the quarter, and getting them out of the business's brain, putting it in front of you, and saying, "Okay, let's examine this.

Dan Ralphs: Yeah, yeah. And I love the outcome of that, is hey, we kind of end up with — after we've thought it all through, we've pulled out all the good, the bad, and the ugly, and we look at it in the face, when we said what's next?

Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream
Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream
Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream
Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream
Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream
Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream
Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream Getting Unstuck: How to Get Your Confidence Back and Follow Your Dream

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